First of all HAPPY THON to everyone at Penn State this weekend! Dance yo little booties off! If you don't already know, Penn State THON is the largest student run philanthropy in the world benefiting families affected by pediatric cancer. A year's worth of competitive fundraising among Penn State clubs and organizations culminates this weekend in a big dance marathon. Go check out their website! It's a great cause! Second of all, it has been way too long, my peeps! My bad. Let's back up a bit. In mid January, I met with the hematologist who was treating my blood clot. No more blood clot! However, I was originally prescribed blood thinners for a 3 month period ending on February 15th. So they wanted to continue the meds for the prescribed period of time just to be safe, but I was no longer down with the injections and all the bruising that came with them. Long story short: they were able to switch me to an oral blood thinner which I was going to start after getting my port out. The next day, my dad and I met with a doctor at Penn about getting my port removed. The CHOP anesthesiologists would not treat me since I'm technically an adult. My dad and I thought we were lost when we arrived on the whatever floor of the something building because there were signs indicating it was the gynecology and breast cancer floor, and the doc I was meeting with treats people who have pancreatic cancers. Anywho, we were in the right place and were seen right away which was a nice change from the typical all day appointments at Georgetown and CHOP. The doc said that he didn't expect any issues with removing it but had to meet me before scheduling the surgery because my port was inserted at Georgetown. He suggested the following Friday. In unison, I responded "How about tomorrow?" as my dad said, "how about today?" Thanks for having my back daddy-o. I was SO SICK of that port. Typically you can get them removed immediately after you last cycle and scans. About a month had already passed since I had my final scans. Patience is a virtue I do not possess. The doc's scheduler/insurance magician was awesome and able to squeeze us in first thing the next morning! Yay!! The next day, my dad and I go in for the port removal. I remember it being pretty uncomfortable getting it inserted because they don't put you to sleep. During insertion, I was awake the whole time. They just give you some local anesthesia and anxiety meds so you don't freak out while they cut you open. About 15 seconds in to the port removal procedure, I just start crying. The doc and anesthesiologist ask if I'm ok, and I shake my head no. They ask if I'm in pain, and I nod yes. They must've shot me up with a lot more drugs right then because I don't remember anything after that. Beforehand, the anesthesiologist and I bonded over how she did her residency in Georgetown, and afterwards, she wouldn't even look me in the eye. Oops. But it's OUT!! Yay!! About a week later, I started getting really sick to my stomach and having diarrhea. History taught me that calling the doc office for diarrhea and stomach pain wasn't very helpful. I got through about a week and a half of peeing out of my butt hole before I finally broke down and emailed my oncologist and scheduled a GI appointment. I stopped my blood thinner and switched to a strictly pretzels boiled chicken, and wint-o-green Lifesavers diet. Things improved enough for me to go to Penn State for a weekend escape with some friends. It was supposed to be a XC skiing trip, but there was no snow. We hiked Mount Nittany with Livesavers and pretzels in tow. I got a little sick during the day. My friends were very understanding when I had to take a nap. Then they even suggested we order in food instead of going out just so I would be more comfortable. Have I mentioned I have great friends? Luckily, I was able to pull it together to hit up some of our old favorite spots: Cafe 210, the Phyrst, and Champs. We danced, played pool, and I ordered ginger ale or water at every bar we went to. Went the whole night without issues! I ran into some old teammates from crew and gymnastics club which was awesome! My friends were super jelly they don't know people still in school. As the night progressed, I got hot and decided to take off my hat. I rocked the full on bald/peach fuzz look. Let me tell you...drunk people are not subtle. You know when you see a cute guy at the bar and you whisper in your friend's ear to look behind them but be cool about it. And then they do this. Well I was getting a lot of those subtle looks that night. I'm just gonna pretend it's because they're admiring how nicely my eyebrows and eyelashes are growing in. Which, may I mention, is a very itchy process! My eyelashes are at about half length, so I was able to goop on some mascara without it just emphasizing how few eyelashes I have like that last time I tried going out with Mal and Zach in Philly. Twas a lovely weekend! Now I'm back home and have started working! I'm coaching rowing a few days a week at my sister's old boat club which has been awesome! They've been very understanding as I try to resolve these last tummy issues which seem to come and go as they please. And the kids are so kind and disciplined. Very, very impressed. I'm switching to an inhaled antibiotic instead of the pill I'm taking now which can be harsh on the stomach. However, I have to go in to Philly to get the inhaled version. I can't just take it at home. But if it stops the tummy pain and liquid coming out of the wrong places, then I'm totally down! The words "lactose intolerance" have been tossed around as well. Not cool. I've been avoiding milk which has helped a bit. Cancer is actually the devil if it means I can't ever drink milk again as I probably got 40% of my calories and 80% of my protein from that stuff pre-cancer. Still not convinced the lack of milk in my life is a permanent thing though. During our Penn State getaway, me friends mentioned how crazy it is that even post treatment, I'm still dealing with side effects and "cancer crap" as I like to call it. One of the most scaring moments of my life happened post treatment, just the other week: having to collect my poop in a container and scoop it into little vials to be sent away for testing. They came back negative by the way. So still no consensus on what's causing the tum tum to revolt. Let me just say, life right now is a lot better than during treatment, but I am very thankful that Ron, my Gtown adviser, convinced me from the beginning that taking the full year off instead of just a semester was the best course of action. The other day, I got a letter from the PA DMV saying my license needs to be renewed soon. I sent in my renewal paperwork for my last licence before my 21st birthday, so it's still vertical. I finally get one of those fancy, big girl, horizontal licenses! I was so excited for about 30 second. Then I realized that renewing my license means taking a new photo. A nice, new, bald photo. Boo. I'm actually very proud of my current license photo. It's probably the best photo I have of myself. I'm not a particularly photogenic person, but this is a great photo, is it not?! Oh well. My mom suggested I just "lose" my license in a couple years. I might just do that.
Cancer lesson by Emma: A big thing I learned during this whole process is not to compare your struggle with others. I'd be struggling with chemo and side effects and then think about how I shouldn't be mopey just because there were other people in that hospital who were struggling more. I was talking with one of my Livestrong friends and telling her about how mine was "only stage 2" and how I was "lucky" and all that other bullshit that you tell yourself. Then she pipes up and says, "Well mine was stage 0! I didn't even know there was a stage 0 until the doctor told me that!" I found myself immediately consoling her and telling her that it doesn't matter what stage it is. It's hard in it's own right. All this stuff that I should've been telling myself as well. Just because someone else is going through something difficult doesn't mean that your own struggle isn't also difficult. She had breast cancer, had surgery, and is now struggling with chest tightness and all the other crap that came along with that terrible experience that I did not have to go through. Then she went on to tell me how my situation was particularly upsetting because I'm so young. To which I responded, whether you're 8 or 80, it's hard! I think there's this expectation that you're "supposed" to get cancer when you get older. Nobody is supposed to get cancer... Unfortunately, a few people have told me or my parents that they've found this blog "helpful." All I can say is, if you're one of those people, I'm so, SOOO sorry. Some people have started reading this blog as an Emma T cheerleader and ended up reading it as a patient themselves or a close family member of a patient. Soon after I finished treatment, a friend contacted me telling me her significant other just got diagnosed. She called the DAY AFTER their FIRST oncology appointment. I was a MESS after that appointment. I was impressed how together she was, to which she was responded, "I'm just trying to be strong for [name]." It makes me think about when I got that phone call with my diagnosis. I balled my eyes out and my mom just calmly hugged me and spoke to the doc for me. I don't know what I would've done without my family being there for me during this whole ordeal. Yes, I can vouch for how difficult and terrible treatment is. But also realize that the caretaker's job is freaking HARD! It's ok to be sad or pissed or both. I asked this one nurse I had why she liked working with kids. She responded that they bounce back so quickly and don't complain as much as adults. I got kind of annoyed. Yes, kids are AMAZING like that, and yes, it's impressive, and yes, pediatric cancer is a TERRIBLE thing. Like I said. Every struggle is valid. But also...I didn't complain to nurses (because I have a blog to complain...totally kidding...sort of...) because my parents took on that burden for me. The kid doesn't have to spend 3 hours on the phone trying to get a medication approved by insurance or schedule appointments or manage their medications. Those roles usually fall to the caretaker. Or in adult patients who don't have a 24 hour caretaker, the actual patients themselves who do have to advocate for themselves. So moral of the story: during this THON weekend, please play with all of the kiddies and let them escape the terribleness that is treatment. But also, for me, give a parent a hug and chat them up for a bit. I'm sure they'll appreciate talking to someone who isn't a doctor or a nurse. They'll try to tell you that their struggle isn't as difficult as their child's. You tell them that every struggle is difficult.
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AuthorI'm Emma. I love food more than anyone will ever understand - specifically cheese, chocolate, bread and pretty much every fat & carb combo you can think of - apple cider donuts, ice cream, the list goes on. Fats and carbs just go so well together. Don't you think? Why is it that when I'm tasked to describe myself, I always talk about food? Anywho, I'm a grad student and rower training studying and training in DC. Here's to having no free time and loving every minute of it (jk...I'll tell you the bad stuff too)! Archives
July 2020
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